Apparently, I am still capable of writing. Occasionally.

Reading comprehension:
a useful life skill

These fingers haven't done much typing since I left the DN, but I've been thinking I should get back to doing it once in a while, if only for a bit of a release after work, where we're now chest deep in the biggest clusterf*** of the year: spring tent sale.

Speaking of our tent sale out at the Fort, if you read an add that says "(product) starting at (price)" and you expect to find significant quantities of said product, you're a moron. Especially if you think you're going to get anything of any quality. I thought everyone knew that's code for "We only have a few things at this price and they're all crappy. Anything that's even slightly worth a damn is more expensive." Don't come in my place of work and yell at me about false advertising because you're not smart enough to understand what "(price) & up" means. Just so there's no further confusion on that point. By the way, memo to the fat lady with the gnarly muffin top: I think I speak on behalf of anyone who ever comes into contact with you when I say you really ought to invest in some shirts that are a size or two bigger than the one you wore to the store today.

Now as for things that might actually be of any interest to anyone other than me. Maybe.

I don't know if you've heard, but apparently the NFL Draft is happening this week. If you're anything like me and were so caught up in the marriage of someone who holds a meaningless position in a form of government that was so bad we felt the need the beat the crap out of the British more than 200 years ago, this draft may have caught you completely unprepared. I've hardly had time to study what Mel Kiper has to say about the third string water boy for Boise State and how his 5 yard split time in the 40-yard dash makes him a potential sixth round steal for teams whose coaches have middle names starting with L.

Here's what you need to know: The lockout, which was on then lifted is now on. Jets fans hate their picks, no matter who they take. Houston's fascination with guys from Colorado State and Purdue has been replaced by a fascination with guys from Wisconsin and Arizona. Denver's picks are excited about the opportunity to line up behind the gaping hole where the defensive tackle is supposed to be. And NFL scouts are some of the best wordsmiths ever.

Seriously, "doesn't play up to his potential on film" is the most creative way I've ever heard of to call someone lazy.

Also the NBA is finishing up round one of the playoffs and looks forward to crowning its champion on Veteran's Day. Right now chalk is winning your tournament pool, with the exception of San Antonio, which has been getting significant minutes from the franchise's bookkeeper.

In baseball, Commissioner Bud Selig has taken control of the Los Angeles Dodgers and inserted himself in the lineup as the number three hitter.

Most importantly, the Colorado Rockies are neck and neck with the Phillies for the best record in the National League. Screw you, large market teams.